


On the Record

by carolinablu85



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: AU, First Meetings, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-17
Updated: 2012-03-17
Packaged: 2017-11-02 01:48:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/363669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinablu85/pseuds/carolinablu85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"I was 18, and I was scared, and alone. So I joined up. And I didn't tell, and nobody asked."</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Record

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the nuke_anon challenge 7 on LJ. Thanks for reading! :)

He taps his fingers on the notebook uncontrollably, biting the tip of his tongue. He checks again that he has an extra pen at the ready, that his batteries are charged, that his 'don't panic' backup questions are discreetly written on the last page of his notebook. All that’s left is for this guy to-   
  
"Sorry, are you Luke? Luke Snyder?"   
  
A voice interrupts his train of thought, thoughts that were absolutely  _not_  spiraling into annoyance or negativity. He puts on his most professional smile and looks up. "Yeah, I'm-" He stops. Whoa. Clearing his throat to cover the pause, he smiles again. "I'm Luke. You must be Lieutenant Mayer?"   
  
The ex-soldier smiles, an 'aw shucks' demeanor down pat that Luke has to think is an act. "Not anymore. Just Noah. Hi."   
  
"Hi," he echoes. "Have a seat." The guy- Noah- joins him at the table, peeling off a jacket to reveal a tight Henley underneath, the hint of a tattoo just peeking out the top of his neckline. It's Luke's job to notice things like that, right? Of course it is. Luke clears his throat again, gesturing to the waitress who fast approaches. "Want anything? It's on the paper's tab."   
  
Noah offers another smile, friendlier, to the waitress. "Coffee's fine, thanks."   
  
"Cream and sugar?" she practically leers at him, and Luke wants to laugh. Oh, if only she knew.   
  
Noah looks a little like he wants to do the same, or hide under a rock. "No thanks. Black." He turns back to Luke as she leaves. "So, how does this- what do I have to do?"   
  
Luke wants to sigh. Great. It doesn't matter if he's pretty much the hottest guy Luke's gotten to meet in professional (or personal) setting in years. He really doesn't want to have to deal with an interview rookie right now. "I'll just ask you a few questions about your service, about your thoughts on Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Stuff like that. Anything you can't answer legally or don't want to, just do the best you can. Sound good?"   
  
Noah's smile slips away a little as Luke's neutral tone, but he nods. "Okay. Go ahead."   
  
Luke pulls out his recorder, lays it on the table between them. "I'm going to tape this, if that's okay? So I don't miss anything." At Noah's nod, he flips it on. "All right. So, you joined the Army when you were 18, right?"   
  
Another nod. "Got through my basic pretty quickly, shipped out to Kuwait within a year."   
  
"And when did you first come out?" He asks quieter.   
  
Noah smirks, but it's not happy. "Officially? When I got court-martialed. When did I know? Way before I was 18. It's why I enlisted."   
  
"What do you mean?" Luke scratches a few notes in his notebook.   
  
"When I told my dad I was gay, he told me I could either enlist or find a new home." Noah shrugs. "I should've taken that as the golden ticket it was to get free, but I didn't. I was 18, and I was scared, and alone. So I joined up. And I didn't tell, and nobody asked."   
  
Luke adds his own smirk at the phrasing. "But something changed." He adds a few more notes, then catches Noah's curious look. "What?"   
  
Noah shrugs. "You don't use a laptop? Every reporter I've seen uses a laptop."   
  
It's Luke's turn to duck his head, shrug. "I like the, I don't know, the motion of actually writing."   
  
Noah's smile is suddenly wide and genuine. "Does it help you write better? Or think more creatively?"   
  
Luke wants to stare, but he's a professional. "Yeah," he admits. He wants to ask more, but he's on the clock. "What happened while you were in Kuwait and Iraq? Your record was pretty spotless until the court-martial."   
  
Noah's expression turns serious, and his shoulders hunch in just a little. Not a lot, but Luke notices things like that. "Stuff was... life was different over there. I couldn't let things keep going like they were. I was one of the squad leaders, you know? If someone was going to set an example, it was gonna be me."   
  
Luke eyes the way Noah's fingers grip the coffee mug tighter, and his eyes (way way  _way_  too blue) cast downward. He feels something like pity- no, not pity. Empathy, for the guy.   
  
It was annoying.   
  
"So you came out?" he asks bluntly.   
  
Noah flinches, and for a second Luke feels bad, but then those blue eyes turn gray. Steely. "I watched two soldiers beat another almost into a coma. Do you know one of the worst places to be hit is? The abdomen. Hurts like hell to take a direct, flat hit to it. All you have to do is take a bar of soap, roll it in a sock, and you've got one of cheapest, most painful weapons a soldier can swing."   
  
Luke is silent, staring. His impatience and bravado pretty much gone. "Did they-"   
  
"Almost. Close enough. The guy wasn't even gay. They just..." Noah shakes his head. "They had always respected me. So I thought, I thought if I told them-"   
  
"They'd change their minds?" he asks softly. Not thinking of Kevin, of Mark, of the stories he's never been brave enough to tell.   
  
Noah nods. "Stupid of me, but yeah. I thought. Instead..." he trails off again. "You know, court-martialed by the Army. Disowned by my dad. And suddenly I'm some gay rights poster boy, when I just want to hide in a cave for a few years until it all goes away."   
  
"All what goes away?" Luke persists. "Being gay?"   
  
"No," Noah looks shocked, almost offended. "Just, just being looked at like I'm a  _thing_  for people's arguments."   
  
He thinks again about high school, about college, that stupid student election, then pushes it aside once more. "So why do this interview now? Why do you all of a sudden care?"   
  
So much for being professional. If it had been him, he would have thrown the coffee in his face and stormed out. But Noah stares at him, eyes narrowed. "DADT's been repealed. And a lot of soldiers are finally getting to do what I couldn't. But some... there are probably still some guys in the Army like me. Scared. Like me."   
  
"Do you feel bitter at all, that it got repealed right after your ordeal?"   
  
Noah's face twists at the word 'ordeal,' but he considers the question. "Not bitter. Disappointed, I guess. But it doesn't really matter, the outcome for me would be the same."   
  
"You'd still be in the Army," Luke points out.   
  
"The Army isn't my life," he says, quiet but firm. "I wasn't living the life I wanted."   
  
Not thinking about college. Not thinking about Damian, and Holden, and- "Either way, you're not going to be daddy's boy?"   
  
He didn't mean it the way it sounded. Not really. But Noah's eyes flashed again, pained this time. "You know what? I think this was a bad idea. I'm not... whoever you thought I was, I don't think I am. Thanks for the coffee." A few dollar bills magically appear on the table, and Noah's gone.   
  
Luke stares after him for a moment before gathering all his stuff, scrambling after him. "Noah!" He catches sight of Noah down the block, turning into a park entrance. "Noah, wait, I-" He skids to a halt by the bench Noah has dropped onto. "Noah."   
  
"You were having a bad day, you're tired, you didn't mean it personally, okay. I forgive you. Thanks." Noah says it all in a rush, waving Luke away.   
  
"No," Luke sits tentatively next to him, a careful foot away. "That's not..." he stops, pulls out his wallet, holds out the one photo in it to Noah. "That's my family."   
  
Noah, seemingly against his will, looks at it. "Nice."   
  
"They're great," he says. "My dad, right there?" he points to Holden. "Not my real dad. He adopted me when I was little. My real dad isn't, um-"   
  
"You're not daddy's boy?" Noah supplies, somehow both gentle and biting.   
  
Luke smiles. He deserved that. "Not quite. He didn't react to well when I came out." Noah's eyebrow raised, but that was it. "And I- okay, what I went through in college stuff, nothing like what you went through. But-"   
  
"But it was, in a way," Noah finishes for him. Just gentle, this time. "I didn't bring up good memories for you?"   
  
Luke smiles. "Not really. But I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have acted like that. If you want to get a different journalist, I totally-"   
  
"Do you want to go get coffee?" Noah interrupts.   
  
Luke is pretty sure his jaw is hanging somewhere close to the ground. "What?"   
  
That damn blush is back. "It's just, we- okay, we didn't get off on the right foot. But I want to talk to you. I do. Maybe we could, you know, start slow."   
  
He grins, teasing, relieved when Noah's smile teases back. "Careful, that almost sounds like you're asking me out."   
  
"Is that too unprofessional for you?" Noah isn't really teasing.    
  
Luke stares. Again. "For real?"   
  
Noah purses his lips. Luke stays quiet, tracking the movement. Dear God. "I didn't get to finish my coffee back there," Noah points out plaintively. "Make it up to me."   
  
Luke laughs despite himself, stands slowly. "Well then." He holds his hand out. "Let's go, Noah Mayer."   
  
Noah- almost gently- takes his hand as he stands up. "You're not going to put this part in the article, are you?"   
  
"Hell no," Luke says automatically, laughing. He realizes he never turned the recorder off, but doesn’t care. It makes this official, right? New memories to have. "No. This is just for me." They walk out of the park, still holding hands.


End file.
